Two, actually. You don’t trap your guests (by offering them wet seats). And don’t complain when your guest falls into a trap of your own making (sitting on the takeout you left under your sweater in the front seat).
There are actually three rules, if you count the right answer, which is, “Would you like me to throw this at you?”
Dear Miss Manners: With increasing frequency, I’ve had some awkward encounters with people whose gender isn’t readily apparent to me. These encounters range from children of acquaintances to new hires at work or potential new hires, and people in the neighborhood of different ages.
At some point in casual conversation, I often hear someone offer the information that they are trans. Herein lies the confusion. What is the appropriate response on my part?
It feels invasive and inappropriate to ask this person, “What are your pronouns?” Also, it is often difficult through conversation and observation to make an accurate assessment of which gender they have transitioned to. Is it sometimes appropriate to simply ask yourself, “What gender do you identify with?”
Invasive suggests you it would be intrusive, but you weren’t the one who brought up this topic. Miss Manners suggests asking, “How would you like to be addressed?” as it shows respect without inviting further confessions of an intimate nature.
Dear Miss Manners: Do you need to say please and thank you with everything you do?
My daughter says I’m rude. He said that at our recent family party, I was very rude. She said I didn’t say please and thank you when I was probably helping my sister with dinner and was asking for something.
I asked my sister about it and she said she didn’t notice any rudeness. I asked my friends, who I see quite often, if they thought I was rude. They said no. My daughter also says I’m rude when I say something she doesn’t like or disagree with.
Your last sentence does Miss Manners thinks this is not rudeness, but you can tell your daughter that while courtesy is important, even or especially with family members, an occasional omission over a long evening is not a casus belli.
New Miss Manners columns are published Monday through Saturday washingtonpost.com/advice. You can submit questions to Miss Manners on her website, missmanners.com. You can also follow her @RealMissManners.
